Um…“fit-cations” are a thing? Excuse me while I eat ten million fish tacos and pretend I didn’t hear you. Vacations are for drinking and lounging and sleeping in late and refusing to check your bank account and scoping out the local gelaterias—not for treadmills and bench presses. If you’re as horrified as I am by the idea of running uphill with weights strapped to your ankles when you could be practically drowning in caipirinhas, here’s how to cope out of a fit-cation. Pack the following, and I guarantee you’ll burn nary a calorie all week long.
Wear impractical sandals. How are you supposed to walk uphill for more than 5 minutes in those things? When your friends protest, tell them you’ll get all the exercise you need when you go out dancing later in ridiculous lime green heels
Make the maxi dress your vacation uniform. If you can’t move your legs without ripping through fabric, you better not move your legs at all.
Lounge about in crisp white shirts. They’re oh-so-cute until you break a sweat, so stay cool. Preferably under a beach umbrella.
Always wear a pair of long earrings. Personal anecdote: Once I ran to catch a train in really long earrings. They swung so hard they almost took out my eyes. Conclusion: running in long earrings is hazardous to your health.
Purchase an expensive beach towel. You’ll feel guilty if you don’t use it at every opportunity.
Keep your friends close and your flask closer. That guy over there says he’s your “trainer,” but it must be the margaritas talking.
Distract yourself with booze-themed toiletries. If no one else will party with you because they’re too busy perfecting their squats, light a rum-scented candle and shuck off the day’s “hard work” with a mojito body scrub.